I've lamented my creative impotence for a long time now. I know that earlier in my life my creativity was alive, but it seems to have disappeared. What killed it? And is is really dead? Or is it just languishing somewhere, in need of attention and love? These thoughts have occurred to me from time to time... but I find them unsettling, so never pursue them for long. But - recently (very recently!) something has galvanised me to action. I need the answers now. I've decided to find out. So....
The idea of an experimental trial of sorts has popped into my head. It's been there for a few days, and I think I like it. I know I like it. I also think that I can do it. Just. It seems kind of massive and also modest at the same time. Its definitely a challenge - a doable challenge, though. I think.
I'm going to commit to doing something creative every day for the next year. I think it sounds simple. I think it will be hard.
I hope - suspect - believe - that this will be an antidote for the creative malaise that has lasted so very long. I'll try to explain why. I"m plagued by a whole bunch of useless, crippling questions every time I even get the inkling to do something creative. I could list them one by one here; I won't. It's enough to say that they're the sort of thing that a perfectionistic, control freak of an aunt might say. Or a pessimistic uncle who had great aspirations he never fulfilled. Essentially they all boil down to a few common themes:
1) How are you going to get it perfect?
2) Is there any real point to it?
3) Why bother even considering it when you know you'll get around to doing it?
So a challenge to do something creative every day - no matter how modest or private - lets me all of those questions very simply. Like this:
1) It doesn't matter if it's perfect - it's not about a finished product.
2) Yes - it will help me to answer an important question and I'll feel better for having done it.
3) I will! Because I need to do it today!
I think that's pretty neat. Plus it fulfills my apparent need for structure around creativity (but I'll write more on that later, lest I get sidetracked now). The other advantage of this project is that it will give me an opportunity to write some more. My intention is to record each of my daily creative endeavours via a dedicated blog. The blog will serve as a record, and a place to reflect on the creative rehabilitation process as it unfolds. But - and I need to be really clear and firm with myself about this - the creative work comes first. The recording is secondary. Even if I never write a word about what I do, it's the doing itself that is VITAL. Because I just know that my perfectionist aunt and pessimistic uncle would just love me to get bogged down in the logisitics of the writing/recording.... because that would result in the death of the project itself. And their tasks would have been accomplished.
Being me, I have all sorts of urges at the back of my mind regarding this little idea baby. The structure lovin' part of me wants rules made, guidelines set, expectations to be clear! But they all have to wait. I have a strong intuition that to delve too deeply in that area will crush the life out of my little idea baby. It's at a tender, vulnerable stage of development. It needs love and attention, not rules. So I shan't indulge any further along those lines right now. There are also questions of logistics, which are a classic road block for me. But I"m not considering them now. They can wait. And I trust that answers will come in time if I let them unfold.
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